first foods: a game of trial and error

i don't know about you but when i imagined baby girl eating solids for the first time, i pictured myself in the kitchen whipping up tasty blends on the baby food processor -- i may or may not have been wearing a fancy apron and dancing barefoot in the kitchen -- with the kitchen window open and birds chirping off in the distance.

beyond the cliche picture i just painted, the goal was to make all of her food so she doesn't have to digest anything processed. we sort of already failed at that when we introduced her to rice cereal as her first food. we went with rice cereal because we thought it would be the easiest transition from breast milk. we mixed it with my breast milk (i may have added too much milk because the final result was a soupy milk consistency with the tiniest bit of rice cereal mixed in) then we spoon fed it to her but we might as well just put it in a bottle since it was pretty much just breastmilk.

give me a break, i'm new at this and i didn't want to risk her rejecting it. 

after about a week of rice cereal we moved on to the highly nutritious egg yolk. so we boiled some eggs, scooped out the yolk, mixed it with breastmilk and voila! egg milk puree! 

she hated it.

we've now moved on to sweet potatoes. so as i mentioned before, i took to the kitchen to whip up the best darn sweet potato puree in the history of home cooked baby meals. i used the recipe from sage spoonfuls, which was basically just steam chunks of sweet potato, mash it up with a fork, add breastmilk to help with consistency and add a dash of cinnamon for taste. well, she was yet again unimpressed. after a couple failed attempts to get her to swallow some small spoonfuls, we ended up placing the rest of it in her kidsme food feeder where she seemed to enjoy it enough to finish it. 

you know that feeling when you make yourself a hot cup of tea that sounds delicious and exotic, you smell it and set yourself up somewhere cozy, smile as it goes in and then all your hopes and dreams are crushed in one tiny sip as you quickly realize that tea isn't all it's cracked up to be. pretty sure this is how she feels about her much anticipated introduction to solids.

in all honesty, this stage is just to get her familiar with the process of swallowing and to introduce her to different tastes but if i'm going to give her the tiniest bit of anything besides my super nutritious breastmilk, i want it to be organic, fresh and delicious. she has an entire life filled with a world of processed foods, might as well at least try to get her on the right track before the evil advertisements suck her in. 

5 months {coming at you super late}

it's almost time to post her 6 month pictures and here i am barely getting to the 5 month shots. here's the thing, i'm a MOM! i work from home full-time and i have a husband that needs some attention every once in a while. that on top of the fact that i'm a MOM! so i know you all are anxiously standing by for the 5 month shot pics so here you go.

as a recap, i'm trying to remember all the milestones she hit from months 4 to 5 but honestly, all i keep thinking about are all the ones that she's currently hitting so if i talk about that i'll have nothing to talk about at the 6 month post.

who am i kidding, i'll have plenty to talk about at the 6 month so here's her milestones so far at 5.5 months:

she says, "mama!" that's right, my brilliant brainiac of a child can say my name! nevermind the fact that this is a common sound that babies make around this age, let's just focus on the fact that she knows my name and she says it every time she's hungry, tired or just wants some cuddles. we're working on "dada" but i think she prefers to say "papa" because that one has come out a few times.

reaching for me. oh how my heart aches every times she's laying down and throws her arms up in the air so i can sweep her up! dear darling, i will forever be here to hold you and comfort you, that is one thing i know for certain!

she's hit a ton of other milestones but those are the two that drown the rest of them out.

phenomenal design work by olson designs (that's not her company name, she's currently freelance but we're working on getting her design business up and going so for now, i will refer to her as olson designs).

Best investment for a new parent {or anyone for that matter}

a couple years ago with the launch of instagram (and all the other iphone apps that make you feel like the next ansel adams), i thought i really had a knack for this photography thing so i did what all budding photographers do and bought myself a fancy camera.

the biggest decision of course was, do i go cannon or nikon? ultimately, i settled on a nikon. the truth is, you just have to go with whichever feels best in your hand because you have to treat this little guy like it's an extension of your body.

before baby, i mainly took it out on vacations. i've been meaning to take an actual photography refresher course (took one in college but let's be honest, that was ages ago), especially because i've been taking the good ol' camera out a lot more these days, primarily for Ina's monthly shots. i'd love to really learn how to take advantage of all the settings and get back into manual mode.

i also know i have to use it more often. i should really just keep the camera by the door and grab it every time we go out for a walk. even with the occasional use, i still manage to get some good ones every once in a while.

look at her face in this one. out of the millions of pictures i've taken of her so far this one is my favorite. it does such a good job at showing all the depth and warmth that captivates this tiny soul.

therefore, this camera was the best. investment. ever.

Easter 2013

it's crazy how heightened the excitement of the holidays becomes once you have a kid. she's too young to hunt for eggs or even dig fake grass out of her easter basket but this day was surprisingly the best easter ever. we slept in a bit since the last couple weeks have been crazy exhausting and then we made our way to the la zoo. apparently, easter is the day to go to the zoo because the place was an absolute madhouse. but we didn't mind because we went straight to our favorite exhibits, picked up a couple warm churros and called it a day.

baby girl's grandma and grandpa got her an outfit from nicaragua on their last trip so i had to make sure she modeled it for them and her great grandma bought her the cutest tulip skirt and sunhat so, of course, that warranted a little photo shoot as well.

after her easter photoshoot, i got started whipping up something yummy in the kitchen (i cook on very rare occasions and this was one of them). i made the most delicious prosciutto, asparagus and cream pasta then we topped it off with some white wine and wrapped up the day with a soothing bath for baby girl while listening to chopin.

best.easter.ever.

confessions of a first time mom

so i've struggled with this post for some time now. i just sit behind this keyboard and barf up all the emotions but then i stop myself just seconds before hitting "publish" because i think, "nobody cares about your problems. stop whining."  i also sometimes feel like blogs are purely meant to post the pretty things in life. oh internet, why must you taunt me with your perfect pinterest boards and gorgeous mom bloggers that seem to have every single thing under control?!

then i realized, this is my blog and i can cry if i want to. 

so i'm just going to come out and say it. i feel like i'm falling apart: my hair looks like a rats nest, dark circles under the eyes never go away, i probably stink more days than i don't, my wrist pain has been going on for almost 4 months and i'm darn near ready to just ask my doctor to cut it off (having no wrist can't be nearly as painful as what i've been feeling for months now), i'm pretty sure i have a clogged duct, the greatest sigh of relief comes the second baby girl closes her eyes for a nap and i'm about 2 minutes and a pint of hagen dazs shy of just crying my eyes out.

i so want to feel like i've got everything under control but the truth is that nothing, and i mean nothing, feels the same as before baby came along. i often wonder whether or not i'm ever going to feel like my old self again.

then there's the guilt, i feel guilty for feeling sad. i don't have anything to be sad about! i have a healthy baby that i get to stay home with and kiss at all seconds of the day. why on earth am i complaining? and then i get sad again.

i honestly don't even know if my husband knows how sad i am because every time i start to tell him, i feel a rush of emotions coming on and i stop myself because i don't want to subject him to another crying episode. so i put on a happy face and skip along.

i try to do things that used to make me happy like go out to dinner. but going out to dinner is so darn hard these days because it takes us nearly an hour to time the feedings so that we can get the baby out at the perfect window when she's not entirely fussy or tired or hungry. my husband tries to encourage me to get out of the house and do something alone while he stays home with the baby but i miss doing things with him. being alone just makes me sad.

then i try to tell myself that millions and millions even billions of women have done this before me. surely, i'm overreacting. the only thing that really makes me feel better is the fact that i'm not alone. and then it hit me, i have to write this blog. i have to put the words on the screen and make it public so that other women who come across this know. you are not alone. you are probably juggling going to work every day and having to stress about pumping at work and getting baby out of the house at the crack of dawn, and having to strategically balance your working hours with doctor's visits. Or maybe you're a single mom and don't have the help of a husband to share the load. Or maybe you're a stay-at-home mom and your full-time job NEVER ENDS. Or maybe you're marissa mayer and are in charge of a multi-billion dollar company but can afford to have your baby in a nursery next to your office, whatever your situation, please know that i'm with you. i may not have the same struggles as you have but i feel you and i hear you and i'm sending you the warmest hug possible because millions and millions even billions of women have done this before us and one day, we will find the beauty in this time too.

will you look at that, turns out this post was about the pretty things in life after all.

and here's a picture of me and my little because this is a blog and you're supposed to post pictures.

4 months old

darling baby girl, you are 4 months old! i'm so proud of the little human you're becoming. i'm seeing so many little nuggets of me and your dad in you and that is just the most magical thing. one of the things i love most about my relationship with your dad is that we both love to laugh and dear sweet girl, you definitely get that from us. you laugh when you wake up, you laugh just as you're about to fall asleep, you laugh when you're hungry and you laugh when we're cleaning your dirty diapers (with good reason as i'm sure that can be very comical to watch especially when you surprise us with your blowouts). 

this has also been a huge month for milestones. you discovered your precious little hands, you are beginning to tolerate tummy time, you rolled from your tummy to your back, you are now wrapping your arms around us when we hold you (best. feeling. ever) and you are really getting to know your little puppies. i love the way you watch them play and watch them run around the house. i just know you all are going to be the best of friends. 

i'm literally afraid to blink, you're growing so fast. i know i'm going to miss holding your tiny little body as you continue to grow but i am so enjoying being your mommy and laughing with you every single day.